Monday, October 31, 2005

Is that stink coming from MY pits?

There's lots of really wonderful emotions and physical changes that come along with being pregnant. There's also some really gross things you "turn into" pretty much over night. I turned into stink. One morning around week 6 or 7 I was busy cleaning up about the apartment and I noticed there was a nasty smell following me around. It could be likened to the teen stink that fills the locker room of let's say a group of junior high aged boys that have just come off the ice after a high energy hockey practice (but you never stank Tony!). Sean rarely gets BO, he has freakishly only gone through 2 sticks of antiperspirant in the 7 or so years we've lived together. And yes, I keep track of his pit stick use because I do indeed find it freakish. To my horror the stink was coming from the very pits under my arms. I showered later in the day and gave the 'ol underarms a good scrub with the wash cloth. That oughta do 'er. Afterwards, I was drying my pits and when I rubbed the towel back and forth I could smell the stink again. It didn't wash off! It was like I had scratch and sniff stink pits. Soon enough Sean started to make comments and he quickly learned that the topic was NOT open for discussion or further comment. "You wouldn't want to make me cry about this would you?". I continued to try to deal with it but nothing I tried would make it stop. My antiperspirant was "absorbed" by my skin and in minutes it was like I had never put any on. I tried Sean's, strong enough for a man so it must be strong enough for a pregnant woman. Apparently not. I decided no matter what I wouldn't cry about this and in the end I don't think I did but then again I can't remember. The stink just packed up and left on September 22 which was a mercy as it was the day before I was packed and leaving for a 24 hour showerless flight to Ottawa. I've been stinkless about 5 weeks now and Sean and I couldn't be happier!

Repainting the kitchen

So my first brainless event occured sometime around week 6. Sean was home and sitting in the kitchen at the computer. I ventured into the kitchen with a hankering for some Meiji Mixed Berry yoghurt beverage. This stuff is incredibley tasty and a little high in calories but I can justify drinking a cup or two for the sake of my increased need for calcium. It's also purple and comes in 1 litre cartons. I had just bought a brand new carton the day before so I was really looking forward to it being very fresh and fruity tasting. So I take the carton out of the fridge open it right up and THEN I shake it. Yup, it went everywhere. All over the counter, walls, garbage can, the wall behind the garbage can, floor and fridge. I was so pissed off I didn't even stop to survey the milky, purple damage I just slammed the friggin' carton down on the counter and stormed off to our bedroom in a flurry of cuss words, waving arms and stomping feet. I jumped into bed, pulled the covers over my head, started crying and wailing questions into the duvet.

"What's wrong with me?", "How can I be such a stupid idiot?", "What was I thinking?", "I WASN'T thinking because I am a STUPID IDIOT!".

Then there's Sean. He was just putzing away at the computer and all of a sudden the kitchen is purple, I'm cursing, screaming and stomping and then under the covers. Needless to say, he was out of his seat pretty damn quick. He cleaned up and then he crawled into bed to console the inconsolable.

We can kind of laugh at it now but I think we were both a little freaked out by my "fit". As it turns out I've had a few crying fits since and it's just torture. For both of us. "Honey, I don't know why I'm crying!" sort of stuff. It's so unpredictable and uncontrollable I'm sure Sean is convinced I'm a ticking time bomb. For Sean's sake and mine I hope I'm out of that phase now.

...and then the hormones started attacking my brain cells

Hormones. The big wig scientists still aren't sure how or why the capacity and normal functions of the female brain start their perpetual downward spiral once sperm meets egg. One thing I know for sure is that the decline is swift and unrelenting. I can't remember things I did last week, yesterday and sometimes by the end of the day I can't remember what I had for breakfast. This can be alarming but my sister Jose helped me come to the realization that if I just calm down and relax through it I likely won't remember my pre-pregnancy grey matter's performance by the time the baby is born!

My first prenatal doctor's appointment

The following is cut from an email I sent to my sister and Sean's parents on September 1. I had to go to this first appointment alone as Sean couldn't get out of work that day. We were both a little disappointed but it turned out to have been for the better...

Hey there folks,

I had my first appointment at the hospital yesterday. All the doctors work out of hospitals here so don't go panicking! I met a really nice couple in the waiting room that live on the other side of the city near the "big factory" maternity hospital and they said the one we have chosen is very well known and respected. They just had their 3rd child there and were very pleased with everything. Anyways, my appointment went really well. I had an ultrasound and even got a photo printout of the wee nipper! Pretty tiny but all is well so far! So technically I'm 5 weeks, 1 day and 7 hours (the hours are crazy I know) into this journey. In two or weeks I'll go back once the spine has formed (isn't that nuts...a spine grows in 2 weeks, I can't even grow a bad haircut out in that time!) and they'll measure the spine length to determine the due date. Some sort of new fangled technology. Don't know if Asian spines grow at the same rate as Western spines so I've added that to my list of questions.

Here's something funny for doctor has a pretty good command of English but he calls breasts "mama's". I figure that's short for "mammaries". So here's the question he asked me yesterday..."Do you have any descention of the mama's?" I was so surprised I actually replied with "what?!!" then "uhhhhh, yes" and then I nearly pissed my pants trying not to laugh. "Descention of the mama's" sounds like some sort of Harley Davidson biker chicks turn feminist B grade mockumentary! translated into English and then Nancy-speak "Do you have any descention of the mama's?" means "Are your boobs getting bigger?". In hindsight I realized that if Sean would have been there with me to get the hiliarity of that question I would have totally lost my composure. So I count his absense for that appointment as a bit of a blessing as I'm sure I would have lost all credibility with my doctor if I melted into a giggling pool of hormones.