The Birth Story ~ Part III ~ The Contractions

So easy to smile BEFORE the contractions...
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

Well here we are almost exactly a year after the contractions that brought Keenan into the world started and I’m finally sitting down to write this segment of the birth story. There are many things that I have forgotten about the delivery once it actually got rolling but the contractions will likely be burned into my memory forever. I remember saying beforehand that I was more afraid of the pain of getting an episiotme than I was afraid of the pain that accompanies the contractions. Well thankfully I didn’t actually get an episiotme but I did require several stitches which I didn’t feel one bit thanks to the help of a single needle of freezing. The contractions on the other hand were well they were hell on earth. This evening I was going over the notes Sean and Jess took while I was in labor. Jess had the brilliant idea of writing down all my contractions including the length of each contraction, the intensity of the contraction, the length of the rest period between contractions and all the other stuff I was doing like going to the bathroom or changing position. The log starts at 11:25 pm on Wednesday, May 10 and goes right through until the time of delivery the following afternoon. There are 4 full, double sided pages of notes and I think the process of keeping this log, Sean’s ability to take everything I said to him both good and bad, Jessyca’s fantastic coaching skills and our amazing midwife kept me from losing my sanity.

Here’s how it went down. Between 11:25 pm and 12:35 am not too much was going on. I was having contractions that were spaced fairly far apart with varying degrees of intensity but nothing too consistent. By 1:35 am the contractions were anywhere between 3 to 15 minutes apart and they lasted about 30 seconds to a minute and a half. At 2 am things really started to get consistent. I was having mild to medium intensity contractions every 1.5 to 3 minutes. After 2:30 am there was only 5 instances where I had greater than 2 minutes (but never more than 2.5) rest between contractions. It’s funny I look back at these notes now and I see that I was telling Jess at around 1:35 am the contractions were “strong”. They were a walk in the park compared to what was around the bend. Now I really know why they changed the system for judging figure skating! Around 3:50 am I was starting to get cramping in my lower pelvic area and my contractions were changing so that they were very strong and then they would just suddenly drop off. Pretty much up until this point we were being left alone to get through the early stages of labor. So it was just the 3 of us talking, breathing and keeping track of things on the log. There were two midwives on duty that were assigned to us and they’d pop in once and a while to check on us. It was really great to left alone like that. We had a pretty good system going and we were all in good spirits. If the doctor or midwives wanted to know how I was doing they would check in with Jess and her amazing log and that was that. Then I got a monster contraction that lasted 12 minutes. This seemed to be the turning point from pleasant to not so pleasant. Jess called the midwife and then the doctor came and examined me. I was 7 cm dialated and not looking too forward to many more 12 minute contractions let me tell you. From this point on all the contractions were strong. Stronger than the past “strong” contractions. I was doing a lot of creative breathing and starting to get very uncomfortable. The thought of water or food made me want to barf and I began seeing my hourly pee break as a vacation. Get the baby monitor off, remove myself from the situation, have a few minutes of just Sean and me time in the john, then get back out there and get back to work. I started thinking about the very near future and what kind of labor I was going to have. I knew I wasn’t even at the pushing stage yet but I was already starting to have significant pain. I thought back to the videos we watched in the prenatal classes which showed the soon to be moms mewing like kittens through the real productive contractions. I began hoping we were in a soundproof environment. I foresaw myself as a howler and not a dainty mewer. At 5:30 am I changed my position to upright with my legs crossed. It helped relieve my low pelvis cramping a bit. At 6 am I was 8 cm dialated, hooked up to the IV as I was getting dehydrated and the contractions were still strong lasting 20 seconds to a minute with 30 seconds to a 1.5 minutes rest between. At 7 am I had my blood pressure, temp and blood taken and when examined I was found to be 8-9 cm dialated. At 7:45 am I was examined by the doc who felt the baby’s head was starting to come down. He told us the baby would be born by 9 am. I was soooo relieved. I need to take a minute and describe what it was like to have those internal examinations. It hurt like a motherf**ker. It felt like the doctor was trying to rip my heart through my cervix. And every single time he examined me I felt like something was wrong. Actually no, I felt like he was “doing” something wrong. Nice to get that off my chest. At 8:20 am the nurses changed shift and Eriko Sato-san aka the best midwife in the whole world came to see me. Although she was in charge of a few other women she stayed with me nearly the whole time. In hindsight I wonder if she was called in as an extra and assigned to me. I’ll have to ask her next time we go to the hospital. Sato-san was amazing. She got right into the birth bed with me and put her right hand under my pelvis for nearly 4 hours. She said she could feel the baby that way. She talked me through many many very painful contractions. And then at 9 am I got the first sensation that I wanted to push. This is when the really strong contractions started and I fulfilled my destiny as a howler. Sean and Jess stopped writing in the contraction log at around 9:40 am as they were at my side and talking me through each contraction, reminding me to breathe and bringing me back down to earth. The pain was so friggin’ intense. With every contraction I would push 4 times really hard. Every time Sato-san asked me to push a fifth time. I couldn’t, it was too painful. After about an hour of these intense contractions and pain I felt myself cheating a little. Not pushing as hard as I could, trying to spare myself a bit of the pain. At 10 am the doc came back to examine me again. I was now very gun shy of his dialation examinations and had told Sean how I felt. I was also fairly disappointed that the baby had not been born by 9 am like he had sad. During his examination I kicked and screamed for him to stop. And I saw Sato give him a look of surprise. So here’s my theory. The doctor maintained up to now that my water hadn’t broken at home. I think every time he examined me to see how far I was dialated he try to “break” my water. I think that my water had indeed broken at home. I lost sooo much fluid that it couldn’t have been anything else. I think Keenan just acted as a plug and kept the rest behind him. Either way I was now 10 cm dialated and I made Sean promise me that man would conduct no more internal examinations. He was more than happy to oblige as I don’t think he could watch me go through that again. The next 2 hours were the worst and I realized I had to give up on my little cheating exercise. Hell I’d push 6 times with each contraction if Sato-san wanted me too. Turns out she did. I could focus on nothing else but the ebb and flow of each contraction and the “fuuu, fuuu” breathing sounds Sean, Jess and Sato-san were making with me. The very end of each contraction was the worst. The pain got so intense at the end I couldn’t breathe. If I couldn’t the baby couldn’t so every single time Jess calmly reminded me to breathe. Somewhere during the two hours of hell I changed my position to nearly flat on my back and it felt a million times better. The best part was I could put the grab bars to better use and all of a sudden it all started working. The pushing, the pulling the breathing, the “fuu fuu’ing”. Sato-san kept encouraging me to look down at my belly as she could see the baby moving but I just couldn’t break my concentration. I was getting exhausted. I had read about and met many women who had survived more than 24 hours of labor. Surely I could last. I could start to see the worry on Sean and Jess’s faces. Then just before noon Sato-san took a well deserved break (I learned later she went down the street to the daycare where her 9 month old son was to breast feed him). At noon the doctor came in said in Japanese to Jessyca that he was concerned I was getting too tired. So he suggested we consider other options like a picotin drip or a vacuum delivery. He also said at this point he was willing to let me carry on naturally if I wished. That was it for me. I went thru the whole f’n labor process totally naturally and now they’re talking drugs and mechanical delivery? Screw that. So I made the decision that with the next contractions I was going to push until this baby is out. Within minutes of him leaving the room I was calling for Sato-san as I could feel the baby’s head starting to come down. She was there in an instant and…the rest is part of the delivery story which I’ll write tomorrow.

Right now it’s 12:07 am and officially Keenan’s first birthday. He’s snoring quietly in his crib and has no idea what today means just yet. Presents, cake, decorations, balloons, candles, friends and lots of love and attention. I can’t remember being this excited for one of my own birthdays!

Happy Children’s Day!

The boys & the koi
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

Today is kodomo no hi “Children’s Day”. It used to be called Boy’s Day but it was too exclusionary towards girls so it’s been changed. Either way one of the most beautiful things about kodomo no hi is that koi no buri “koi wind socks” are flown outside the home in honor of the family and with hopes the koi will impart their characteristics of strength and long life unto the children. These wind socks come in an insane array of colors, patterns, fabrics and sizes. There are custom sets that can lighten your pockets of $10 000 + or you can purchase a wee set at a dollar store for well, a dollar. The largest koi no buri we’ve seen were being flown from a tower and were well over 7 meters long. We’ve seen them flown on shrine grounds, farm grounds, private residences, farms and in the dozens alongside bridges. They are truly breathe-taking to behold fluttering in the spring wind.

Sean and I were most excited to go shopping for a set for Keenan. The 3 of us went several times on our own to get a general idea of what we wanted and then Eiko joined Keenan and I on our final fact finding mission. Traditionally the father and/or his parents shop for and buy the koi no buri but logistically that just wasn’t going to work out for us so Eiko, Keenan and I narrowed down the choices to the 3 best based on price, pattern, size and pica pica (Japanese onomatopoeia for something that is shiny). Sean made the final decision and I then he picked the best of the lot. We brought our set home and I stayed up late one night assembling the balcony clamp, pole, ropes, clips and windmill. Under the cover of darkness (so as not to make an idiot of myself doing this for the first time) I secured the hardware to the balcony. The next morning was bright and sunny and I hung the family flag and the 3 koi. I couldn’t believe how little breeze set them to sail. They billowed and twisted from the pole with the sun glinting off the gold detail. When Keenan woke up I opened his curtains and the koi immediately caught his attention. Arm up, deploy finger, point, smile. It was a great moment. So Sean took him to the living room sliding door to look out and meet his koi no buri for the first time. Then they went out on the balcony for a closer look. Sean explained what the flags represented…the top one is our family flag, the biggest koi is daddy, the next one is mommy and the smallest one is for baby. Keenan truly loved them. He pointed and smiled and cooed for as long as Sean’s bare feet could stand being out on our cold concrete balcony. Since that day we’ve had to have them inside a few times because it’s been too windy or raining and I’ve hung them in Keenan’s bedroom window. He plays with the soft silky fabric and delights in the bright colors and shimmering gold. I think after this weekend I’ll hang them in his room over his crib so he can see them when he wakes up.

We hope you grow up with the strength and long life of the koi our dear boy. We’ll fly your koi no buri every year at this time in honor of you and to remind you of your birthplace. We love you Keenan!

Feeling the burn

Kiki Kimono-san
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

Keenan has been a workout this week. We finally managed to break the getting up at 4 am habit. Halleluiah and thank you all denominations of the Lord. We suspected he might be getting up with the sun rising and in a stroke of genius Sean found yet another use for our thick, cushy and indispensable Patagonia Synchilla blanket. He hung it over Keenan’s window and it plunges the room into near darkness. So now he’s only getting up at 5:15 am which is still a little on the painful side especially for Sean the night owl who comes to bed at 3 am on the weekends. Apart from waking Sean up too early and making me grumpy, these early mornings make Keenan a wholly terror requiring FULL and COMPLETE engagement, 3 naps and too much scolding because when he’s tired and cranky he gets into things he’s not supposed to. And it makes him bite me. We definitely gotta get this biting thing sorted out but we’re gonna tackle the sleep issues first. So Sean spent a lot of time researching the "issue" on the net yesterday and we’re gonna try pushing back Keenan's breakfast, lunch and dinner times followed by his nap times by 1 hour. The ideal result being that after about 2 weeks he’ll start waking up later in the morning. Wish us luck.

In kimono news…I did indeed go back to the kimono shop and I inspected the "deal of the century kimono" mentioned in a previous post. Viewed in the daylight the sun and soiling appeared to be much more extensive than I thought so I didn’t get it. But I did get a few other things including a kimono overcoat, some more fabric, a casual obi, kimono shipping envelopes and a monkey made out of kimono fabric for Keenan’s first birthday. Come on, how many other kids can say they’ve got a monkey made of kimono fabric?!!!!

Gosh, are you sure 4 loud speakers are enough?

It’s election time here in Obihiro. Not sure what the election is for. All I know is there is 38 or so candidates and they each have their own van which sports no less than 4 loud speakers affixed to the roof. A loud speaker attached to each corner of the exterior roof surface of a van would be pretty harmless if a man or woman shouting keigo (honorrific Japanese) at you as it slowly creeps through your neighborhood didn’t back it. There’s been at least one of those per candidate spreading noise pollution thru our fair city all week and it’s getting downright tiring. The thing that really rots my socks is that all they have time to say is their name, good morning, afternoon or evening, thank you very much and what roughly translates into please treat me kindly. Maybe if you haven’t woken my son up from his much needed naps on no less than 5 occasions this week I’d have some kind thoughts for you but right now I’m thinking about what objects in my fridge compliment your campaign colors.

So to make matters worse. As of right now there’s one such aforedescribed van parked outside of our building as crankypants is sleeping. So I go outside with the video camera with hopes that a foreigner video taping them will weird them out enough to drive them away. It works on one silver haired, older guy but then the candidate herself runs right up to the building with two of her neon green clothed designated wavers and starts talking to me. In English. While I'm getting the whole thing on video. My only opportunity to tell them to keep it down and I giggle girlishly and wish her luck. Yet another Aw Fer Fuck Sakes moment. So I come back in, sit down at this very seat and the doorbell rings. It’s some guy, trying to sell me something I don’t need and now Keenan is crying in the background. Keenan slept through multiple loudspeaker-encrusted vans blaring right outside his window only to be woken up by the doorbell. Classic. Now I’m gonna go figure out how to upload the video to this blog. After of course I go to the kimono shop.

Snow, kimono? What’s it gonna be this weekend?

Snowy view from Keenan's window
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

It’s 7:30 am on Saturday and I’ve been up for 3.5 hours, nursed Keenan, made Keenan breakfast, fed Keenan breakfast, nursed Keenan again and then suffered through 10 minutes of Keenan crying because he was simply too tired to fall asleep. Sean and I sat in the living room quiet as two house mice while Keenan wailed in his crib. Usually when we do this he gives in before 5 minutes and falls asleep or kicks up the intensity and rips my heart out with “wuh uh uh waaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA” punctuated with “mum mum mum”. So I went in picked him up, snuggled him against me and then I deployed my secret weapon…the whispering of French lullabies. I don’t know very many and I'm more than pretty sure I get some of the words wrong but they sure as hell work wonders on our child when he gets himself worked into a “screw you mom and dad I'm not falling asleep” mood.

So now Keenan’s sleeping and after Sean paid his respects to my baby whispering by deeply bowing before me several times he headed back to bed as well. I’m not feeling much like going back to bed though and sadly I think it’s because I’m getting used to Keenan’s new starting hour of 4 am. So perhaps I’ll blather on here for a while.

I must say that I while I lay in bed at 4 am in a haze of procrastination and prayers for Keenan to magically talk himself to sleep I found myself wondering what the weather was up to on the other side of our bedroom curtain. You see during the months of April and May winter mysteriously only works on the weekends. I’m not kidding. We’ve woken up to snow on either Saturday or Sunday morning nearly every weekend save for one this month. Same thing happened last year. I won’t go so far as to say it never snows during the week. It might snow a bit but we get seriously dumped on over the weekend. I think we got almost 25 cm last Saturday during the daylight hours alone but come Monday you could barely tell. I opened the curtains to rain this morning but there’s enough chill in the air to coax flakes from the skies if the temp drops a few degrees.

In other news, yesterday we got a flyer in the mail from a local kimono shop advertising a huge sale. I love everything about kimono shops. The colorful, patterned and beautifully textured fabrics, the accessories, the purses, hair ornaments, the impeccable customer service and the long list of traditional must have accoutrements whose purpose I can’t even fathom. These shops are packed with “stuff”. Stuff you could blissfully spend hours sifting through only to find many other layers of more stuff beneath begging for your attention. So it’s never a “quick” visit to a kimono shop especially not one packed to the rafters with sale goods. And it's typically not a place you go to with a baby that’s a bit whingy because he blew off his afternoon nap but we went anyways. We ended up spending 5500 yen total for a very pretty, formal obi thanks to Sean’s keen eye, some great kimono fabric scraps, 2 small wall hangings and 2 noren. A good haul by my standards. But and this is a big BUT, the best deal I have ever laid my hands on in all my life was at that shop and I didn’t buy it. I had to curb my desire and exercise the “24 hour + sleep on it rule” as I wasn't sure if I wanted to buy it because it was such a freakin’ good deal or because I actually liked and wanted it. Need doesn’t factor into this equation and I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. So what was this fabled deal of the century? A 580000 yen (approx $5800 and yes that is the correct number of zeros) silk kimono for 3900 yen (approx $39). I walked away from it for 4 reasons…it was only basted and not yet sewn, a bit dirty, a bit faded from the sun and it was unlined. The fading was minor and the liner doesn’t matter to me as I’d never wear it and would only hang it on a wall or stash it away in a box as my most prized, most deeply discounted find. The dry cleaning would be costly and it would take me a while to hand-stitch it back together. But geez, the whole process and the thing itself sure makes for such a great story doesn’t it? Not to mention that the kimono itself is quite lovely. It’s not something I would have been attracted to at first glance as it is very light in color but the pattern and embroidery are very traditional and quite beautiful. Naturally I’ll be going back today for a reassessment come snow, rain or screaming baby!

11 months

DJ Keen
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

One month away from celebrating your first birthday. Wow! I’m sure this next month is going to fly by as quickly as the last 11. I wonder, what it is about having babies that accelerates the passing of time? This past month has been another action packed, baby chasing, house-baby proofing adventure, as you love to explore places that are deemed unsafe by your parents. You charge every door that has been left open especially if it spends the day cutting you off from some magical mystery that is being unfairly kept from you. You have graduated into the 4 x 4 category of crawling. Simply put, not much other than doors can stand in your way. Even the bodies of your pooped parents splayed across the hardwood are mere molehills to you. Despite your crawling conquests you are very reluctant to try walking. For the time being you are quite happy to stand and cling to chairs and tables but as soon as moving your feet is required you’d much rather get back down on your knees to get from A to B. And yes, we’re fine with that for now! Take you’re time sweet boy, you’ve got a lifetime to run us off our feet!

You LOVE books. They are the first thing you want to play with after you wake up and the last thing you want to play with before you go to bed. You have two categories of books and they are located in two areas of the apartment. Your bedroom books are those with paper pages and are mostly gifts from friends and family and you require supervision while looking at them or you’ll tear the pages. Then there are your living room books, which are board books or soft plastic and fairly indestructible. You easily spend an hour a day looking at your books, flipping the pages, pointing at things and of course toting them around in your mouth as you travel our apartment. You have no problem sitting still for stories and you carefully turn each page in the proper direction. You don’t watch TV but you do get to see a few video pod casts. Your favorite pod cast is National Geographic video shorts and you get to watch a couple on the computer after dinner.

We weighed you yesterday and you are now 9 kilos (19.8 lbs)! Yippee! Dad gets to turn your car seat to face forward! And you’ve grown 4 cm in length in the last month so you are now 74 cm tall. We haven’t really had a solid word out of you yet but I think you’re starting to direct mumumum and dadada at us. Hopefully your first word won’t be fart (at least I’m hoping that anyways, your dad of course would be thrilled!). You eat a lot and love green peas pretty much more than anything. We have to give them to you at the end of your meal otherwise that’s all you’ll want to eat. Peas are good for you and all but they make for downright epic diaper changes! You also really love noodles, which is a blessing for those rare occasions when we go out for dinner. Two full-length udon noodles can keep you occupied for quite some time. You love to share your food and are always wanting to feed your mom and dad bits of your crackers or fruit. I’ve started teaching you what to do with a fork and you’ve got the basic concept down. In recent days you seem to have developed a sense of humor! You will outright laugh or giggle at all kinds of things like your father sitting on the toilet! You got your first hair cut last weekend and it makes you look so much older! Your dad held (wrangled) you while I managed the clippers. We did a pretty good job and only missed one spot. You didn’t seem to mind the process too much although you seemed to dislike the vibrating action of the clippers against your head. Drooling is back on your list of full time activities. We don’t see any new teeth yet but the ones you have now are defiantly moving closer together so there something going on in those gums of yours. You’ve established a solid sleep schedule of in bed between 7 and 8 pm up between 5 and 6 am, morning nap at 9am for 2-3 hours and then a little afternoon nap around 2 or 3pm for usually less than an hour. Missing the afternoon nap is not a big deal but missing the morning nap is parentcide and we avoid this AT ALL COSTS. It’s one thing to have grumpy parents but a grumpy baby takes days to recover from. You had your first quasi illness a couple of weeks ago. Some sort of minor sinus infection we figure. It was a week of hell for you and I won’t get into the details of what it did to us!

Eiko, your dad and I have been busy shopping for a koi no buri set for you. We’re really looking forward to celebrating kodomo no hi with you and can’t wait to watch your beautiful flags spinning in the spring wind from our balcony.

This next month we will take you on your first camping/road trip. It will be our last big adventure on Hokkaido until we bring you back when you are old enough to remember and appreciate seeing your birthplace. We’re both excited and nervous about this trip as we’ll be more than a days drive from home, which makes pulling the plug a little difficult so please be a good boy!

Happy 11 months birthday my boy. You never cease to amaze us with your how fast you learn new things and adapt to different and new situations. We love you squishy!

The blossoms are coming!

Sakura at Buddhist Temple at Matsumae Castle
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

I never cease to be amazed by the contrast in technological advances and lack there of in this country. We had to pay to have a separate gas hot water heater installed in our kitchen as only dish soap gelling, frigid water comes forth from the taps. On the other hand there is an entire division at the Japan Meteorological Agency that tracks the “sakura front” (桜前線, sakurazensen) as it makes its way north to the very tip of this cherry blossom crazed country! They even publish and regularly update a webpage that plots the progress of the advancing pinky goodness!

I must admit we’ve really come to look forward to the arrival of the cherry blossoms. They are the true sign that spring is here to stay. We’ve even planned 2 days and nights of our spring road trip to coincide with the blooming of 1600 sakura trees in Goryoukaku Park in Hakodate. We’ve never been there before and we’re really looking forward to exploring this beautiful city as the warm spring breeze swirls the delicate petal around us. We plan to partake in some “flower viewing” (花見, hanami) which is taken very seriously amongst avid cherry blossom fans. Apart from going for a nice steamy onsen, hanami is one of the most relaxing activities I’ve encountered in this country. You pack yourself a picnic or pick up your favorite bento, some beverages, a blanket and of course the one accessory that shows you really know what your doing…a blue tarp! Then you head out to your favorite cluster of flowering trees, set up underneath them, sit back, enjoy the flowers, the food and the company of other hanami enthusiasts. It’s really amazing to see all the stuff folks will tote along to their chosen site. You’ll see carts that are loaded up with BBQ’s, tripods, spotting scopes, folding chairs, obscene amounts of skewered meats for the grill, blankets, liters of bottle tea, mochi, video cameras, kids toys you name it. If it will prolong the hanami experience it goes along!

This time of year will always be very special to me. When I went in to labor for Keenan almost a year ago the blossoms had yet to open in Obihiro. Keenan was born at 12:14 in the afternoon on a Thursday and that Saturday I noticed the first blossoms opening from a window in the hospital down the hall from our room. There is also a sakura tree just outside the window of the maternity floor lounge and it burst into bloom that same day. On Sunday (my first Mother’s Day as a mother) I awoke to the unforgettably striking sight of snow falling on the blossoms. It was truly breathtaking. The whole 7 days we were in the hospital trees all along the building were in various stages of bloom. It felt wonderful to me as we had planned to name our baby Hanako(“hana” means flowers and “ko” means child) if she was a girl. Instead we had a beautiful baby boy in the middle of a city in full bloom. Looking at the blossoms thru the hospital windows was one of the first things Keenan and I did together apart from the routine hospital stuff and I will always hold that memory close to my heart.

Eiko, if I have made any kanji mistakes please let me know! Yoroshiku!

Monkey express

Monkey express
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

Now that Keenan is fully mobile in the crawling department he's decided he'd like to be able to take things along on his exploits. The problem with crawling is that it employs both of his hands. So last week he started to put things in his mouth to get them from point A to point B. The results as you can see are often quite hilarious!

I survived last week…

"a ha" moment
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

…but the day after the previous post was even worse. Keenan developed a bit of a runny nose, cried nearly all day and wouldn’t sleep. Sean came home that night and brought along Eiko, Bret and Sara. Keenan and I both had such a shitty day and company was just the thing we needed to get us out of our funk. Dinner, cake and a bit of fun made us both feel better but the next morning it was clear that Keenan had come down with something. There was nothing we could do to make our wee boy happy or ease his discomfort and yet he didn’t seem sick enough to take him to the doctor. So we decided we’d tough it out and if he wasn’t better by the end of the day we’d take him to the hospital. Then we had an “a ha” moment. We discovered that he would sleep if he lay against our chest when we were reclined at about a 45-degree angle. And he would sleep that way for hours. Clearly he was tired and needed the rest so we traded Keenan back and forth and let him sleep on us. He would scream if we tried to put him down. I was starting to wonder if perhaps he inherited my tendency for head colds accompanied by painful sinus congestion. Until very recently I never used to get chest colds if I got sick at all. I was always the stuffed up nose kid that emanated Vicks Vaporub. I’m sure that, my chocolate sandwiches and tendency to kick my teachers added greatly to my popularity! Maybe our little guy was really stuffed up and every time we tried to lay him down he got stuffier? I filled the essential oil burner with a good dose of camphor, mint, rosemary and eucalyptus and put it next to the tub, ran a bath, closed the door and let it get all steamy in there. Then I gave him a long hot bath, breastfed him and he fell asleep in his crib for about 90 minutes. A pretty short nap by Keenan standards and even shorter for a sick boy but he was way more genki when he woke up. By Saturday afternoon he was pretty much back to himself again. Phew!!!!! We’re so lucky he’s made it this far and that’s the most sick he’s ever been. Knock on wood, fingers crossed.

One of THOSE days

*CAUTION: Profanity used at will in this post and I can’t be bothered to spell/grammar check either.

Oh God, this day is a doozy. I’m saying “is” because it’s only 3:49 pm and there’s still plenty of time for it to get worse.

Today started off as most do. Up at 5:45 am to the sounds of Keenan burbling away in his crib. The only difference here is that I took the wood frames out from under my side of the futon yesterday and as a result I had the most amazing frickin’ sleep since Keenan was born. So I had some cobwebs in the brain and was a little slow to get to the boy so he got a bit whingey. No biggie, nothing I haven’t dealt with before. Breastfed Keenan, changed his bum, got him dressed for the day and turned him loose on his toys in the living room. Got coffee going and breakfast on the go. Then, hmmmm wonder if Sean needs a shower today? Better check. Opened door to bedroom, let Keenan loose on his dad. “Do you need to shower today Sean?” I shower every second day on opposing days to Keenan’s bath day. Don’t know why, it just worked out that way. Sean showers whenever but if we have to shower on the same morning then we need to step things up a notch, well no actually then he needs to get his ass out of bed earlier so we can both shower before he leaves for work. Sean gets out of bed, has a shower, I’m in the kitchen continuing to get breakfast ready while Keenan is biting me, pulling on my pants, pulling things off shelves, holding the fridge door closed when I need it open and then holding it open when I need it closed. You know, typical baby getting into everything kind of scenario. So I’m trying to juggle all this stuff and Sean walks by and says “ok, what’s the funniest line from last night?” I have no idea Sean. I don’t store that kind of info well anymore. What was the funniest line from the Soprano’s (or was it CSI)? That’s when the badness started. “You need to try to remember that kind of stuff or you’re just perpetuating the problem”. Right, I’m gonna have a shower. Which I did. I get out to a very quiet apartment. Sean fed Keenan who fell asleep in his high chair before finishing his breakfast and is now fast asleep in his crib 20 minutes before we have to leave to take Sean to work. Sean and I talk about the spat and how I spend the better part of my day trying to remember things I’ve forgotten and how that comment made me feel. Part of the problem is that Sean had an office party last night and I had Keenan by myself all day. It’s totally fine if he’s in a genki mood but if he’s not which was the case it turns into an exhausting endeavor. So, I was feeling like yesterday was just bleeding into today with any break and it was making me a little crazy. Anyways, we patch things up and then wake up the boy and get Sean out the door.

Keenan whinges all the way to Sean’s office and all the way home. It’s a good kind of whinge though. His I’m gonna fall asleep if I even just see a picture of a boobie kind of whinge. We get upstairs, Keenan gets two boobs and is not venturing off to lala land during the feeding. Shit. No prob, I’ll just set him down in the crib on his side and see if he’ll go off to sleep. Five minutes of crying later I go in and bring him out to play for a little while. “A little while” turns into a few hours but then I finally get him off to sleep at around noon. 20 minutes later someone’s pulling on doorknob and ringing the doorbell. Back home this would freak the shit out of me but it’s commomplace here for the delivery guy or gas guy to open the door if it’s unlocked and call your name into your apartment. I wasn’t too impressed the first time it happened, stopped keeping my purse in the hallway and never walk around in my underpants and bra in the daytime unless it’s 32 degrees Celcius or higher. And now I always keep the door locked too. Then Keenan starts to cry. Oh boy. If it’s that guy trying to sell me first aid kits again I’m gonna give reason to use one. Wasn’t him. It was Sean. “I didn’t have any lunch money so I rode home”. Great ok, well you just woke up Keenan after I tried all morning to get him down for his morning nap. He apologizes, makes lunch, hangs out with us for a few minutes and then has to get going again. I’m in the middle of eating my lunch, Sean walks out the door and Keenan starts crying. He’s been doing that lately when we leave a room and he can’t see us. So, I pick him up and take him into the hallway for a bye-bye hug, kiss and a bit of waving. That seems to do the job now he wants my lunch. He eats a bit of it and I get up to make him some too. More crying. I pick him up and take him in the kitchen with me. Lunch is pretty easy to make with one hand. Take rice from rice cooker and put in bowl. Open package of sesame seeds a pour some on rice. Set package down but somehow manage to drop it and when trying to prevent package from falling on the floor I dump the contents all over the kitchen floor. Likely millions of seeds are all over the floor, my socks and in the pockets of my hoodie. This was definitely an “aw few fuck sakes” moment. Fuckity fuck, ok Keenan you need to play in your crib for a few minutes while I get this cleaned up. “Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” Geez you’d think you were getting a diaper change or something.

Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

I’m tracking seeds everywhere but manage to get them swept up. Finish making Keenan’s lunch. Feed him and try to get him to bed. He’s dead tired. I try another 5 minutes of crying in the crib. Nope. I bring him out to play. He pulls the tea pot off a shelf he couldn’t reach yesterday, gets into the garbage, pulls on the heater cord, nearly pulls a kitchen chair over onto himself, falls on his face while crawling because he’s so tired, smacks his nose, more crying, reaches for a plant he’s not yet been interested in, only wants to play with the computer mouse, no luck there baby, more crying, pulls on heater cord a million more times. In the middle of all this I did actually have to change his diaper and he screamed so loud I thought my eardrums would pop.

When Keenan gets tired but won’t sleep he looses all interest in his toys. It’s like he forgets how to play with them and just goes trawling for trouble. Then he gets wound up and needs to be brought back down to earth. So I brought him over to his toy area, put everything in the toy bin and then took one thing out at a time and we played with each thing until it was boring. Plus we ate stray sesame seeds off the floor! Yummy! After an hour of plain ole quiet fun the boy starting yawning every now and then. So of to his room we went and he finally went down for his morning nap at 3:30 pm. If I could I’d give myself a raise. Maybe I’ll shave my legs twice this week.

Shit, it’s 4:46 and he’s crying. Here we go again.

First haircut looms in near future

Sportin' a mullet & poppin' out of his shirt!
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

We woke up to Keenan's first dreadlock the other day. He still has quite a few newborn hairs that just won't fall out and they are really long and tend to get all fuzzy and form this halo around his head. Now they're getting really brittle and dry and they get tangled up while he sleeps. So it looks like we'll need to give the babe a hair cut soon. It's kind of sad cause his long wispy bits are terribly cute. But it won't be so cute when he gets his sticky fingers caught in the knots and accidentally pulls out his hair!

I'm not really looking forward to the haircutting event. It's gonna be quite a task to get him to sit still. There will be tears and they'll likely be from all three of us. I think the fastest and safest way to do it will be to use the clippers. That'll give us a better chance of a somewhat uniform cut as well. We'll be sure to take lots of before, during and after photo's and we'll keep the clippings as well. Wish us luck!

Already starting to miss them

Bret enjoys his surprise cake
Originally uploaded by locket479.

There are many, many things that we are going to miss about leaving this country and Obihiro, the lovely little city we've called home for the past two and half years. Of all the things we'll miss, the great friends we've made will be on the top of the list. Some have already returned home, Alixe leaves this weekend and this summer a good load of us gaijin will shed many tears in airports and train stations and then go our seperate ways.

Waving good-bye to Bret and Sara will be truly heartbreaking. They are both the most unlikely & likely folks to be married and we love them so much for that and in fact for all the things they do and say. Everything's an adventure when we hang out with you two and we're really gonna miss the dinners, headturning escapades, cultural blunders and bizarre yet refreshing use of the Japanese language!

I snagged this photo from Sara's Flickr page. Bret's not too fond of sweets but Sara really wanted him to have a special treat so she made him this ridiculously brilliant birthday cake. In an effort to keep it a surprise she assembled the burgers and fries into the form of a 2 layer cake in her car, in the parking lot of their apartment building, in the dark! God, I wish I could have been there to see her order 22 cheeseburgers and 1 order of small fries at the local MacDonald's! I can't even imagine what that would smell like in the car! Then to sit there in the dark and put it all together as other folks from the building walked by. Just a glimpse into a typical day in the lives of Bret & Sara! Keep on keepin' on just as you are. You rock!

Pooh story #2 ~ The 'ole “grab & rub”

These days the only time you seem to be happy about getting your diaper changed is when you’re yanking on your penis or testicles. Yup, you’ve discovered your private parts my boy! And you’ll introduce them to anyone or anything you can get your hands on like your rattles, poor innocent & sweet Shinada or any clean clothes that are within arms reach. A typical diaper change sounds something like this…

“Woo hoo! That baby is stinky”
“Ok, I’ll change ‘im”
Baby gets set down in changing area
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
Pants off
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
Diaper undone
“Waaaaaaaaaaaa wuh wuh wuh waaaa a a a aaaaa”
“Oh crap, it’s a big, messy one!”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
“Keenan!”
“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
“Wait! No, not Shinada, we just washed him yesterday.”
“Heeeeeeeee he hum heeeeeeeeeeee hehh aahhhhhhh!”
“Oh geez, oh shit, honey? I need reinforcement! This is a 4 hand diaper!"
“Burble beeeeee beeeeeep beeeee buvvvvvvvvv!”

Oh and you like to get up mid diaper change too. So, we’re faced with crap on our hands, crap on your hands (which leads to crap everywhere) and then you decide “I’m done with this laying on my back business, let’s get mobile!” Necessity has forced us to become as quick and agile as calf ropers when it comes to changing your bottom. Please God let this be one of those stages you tire of quickly!

10 months

For Eiko...cute pose!
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

Well littlest, here we are at 10 months. On your 10-month birthday you woke up in a Japanese style hotel room at the Fukuhara hotel in Shikaribetsuko. All 3 of us were sleeping on the floor on futons and it's the first time in a while we’ve had a peaceful night together in the same bed. The 3 of us slept in the same bed for the first 3 months after we brought you home from the hospital. It was really convenient and cozy and we could listen to your milky breath and quietly inspect your sweet newness as you slept. You were so small and immobile. 10 months later I lay on the futon next to you barely able to sleep for an hour at a time. I’m not sure why I couldn’t sleep but I really loved laying there looking at you in the soft light coming in thru the rice paper shoji screens. On the other side of the window the snow was falling and the room was filled with that peaceful stillness that accompanies earthbound flakes. In that stillness I could hear your breathing and see your lips going thru the sucking motions even though I was a couple of feet away from you. After so many months of having so little sleep I now had the energy again to lay there awake and just watch and listen to you. It was the best night I’ve had in a long time.

It’s so hard to believe we started this journey only 10 months ago, it feels like you’ve always been here. And I’m so overjoyed that you are. You sleep thru the night now, can play on your own and can scoot around so fast on your little hands and knees that you can almost beat your running parents to any corner of the apartment. You stood up unassisted in your crib for the first time last Sunday (March 1st) so we are literally on the verge of having a tottering baby in our midst. Your sleeping pattern has become quite regular; you go to bed between 7 and 8 pm and wake up at 5:30 am. You play by yourself until 6 and then I get out of bed and our day starts. You’re usually fall down tired right after breakfast so you go down for a nap by 10 and are conked out for 2 to 4 hours. You really should nap again in the afternoon but you resist with all your might. If the weather cooperates we head out for a walk after lunch and you succumb to sleep for about an hour.

Some new teeth are trying to make their way onto the scene and it looks like your next one will be an eyetooth on the top right. You had your last DPT vaccine this month and you just need to get your Hep B booster and a polio shot in May. You are such a little tough guy when you get a needle. You only cry for a couple of seconds right after the needle goes in and then you’re all smiles again. Thank you for taking it so easy on your mother! We also had Maruyama sensei (your pediatrician) have a look at the umbilical hernia (aka Keenan’s spigot) you developed when we were back in Canada over Christmas. He said it was a pretty common thing and will likely heal itself before your first birthday. If it doesn’t then it may need to be surgically repaired. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. When we were at the hospital we visited with Eriko Sato-san the midwife who delivered you. She was so pleased to see how big you’ve grown and she was very impressed by your Shreddie eating dexterity. She is a very busy lady but she took a few minutes out of her day to hold you and crawl around on the floor with you. We promised to stop by for another visit before we leave for Canada. We took you to Ito Yokado shopping center last weekend, they have a great baby station with every manner of baby measuring devices and a nursing room. We weighed you and you are now up to 8.5 kg (almost 19 lbs) and are 70 cm long. Your dad is so anxious for you to hit the 9 kg mark so we can turn your car seat around. Your seat is rear facing right now and he totally hates not being able to see and communicate with you!

There are many things that you do on a daily basis to make us laugh. Most notable is your pillow diving, growling, open mouthed “kissing”, rolling nude on our blanket and fits of excitement. We have a couple of big Japanese style floor pillows on the living room floor and you love to dive face down into them with your mouth open. This is usually accompanied by your signature growling which is then followed by lots of giggling. We’re not sure about this open mouthed kissing business as it sometimes leads to biting but either way you target one of us at a time and then dive into us with your mouth open. You often get tired around the time I'm in the kitchen making dinner so you sit at my feet and dive at my slippers. When you’re the opposite of tired you have a tendency to have these short fits of excitement. You usually do it when you grab hold of something that has been eluding you like a rolling ball. Once you get the item in your hand you pull into your face and well, you get really excited about it! I’ll have to get it on video cause words just don’t do it justice. We purchased a blanket that we thought would be great for you to play on in the living room. Turns out it’s also very cozy on our bed and it’s never made it to the living room. This blanket is really, really soft and fluffy and you love snuggling up with your dad in it every morning. Last week we stripped you down to your nudity and let you loose on the blanket. Total hilarity! You crawled and rolled around in the softness just squealing with delight! It’s almost become a nightly ritual!

There are of course a few things you do that make us crazy. You are obsessed with our living room heater. I can’t count how many times a day I say “KEENAN! DON’T TOUCH!” How can a country, which is home to Asimo, the Prius and the Wii, still not have central heating?! God, I can’t wait until it’s warm enough to put the heaters away. Then of course you still hate having your snowsuit or any shirt or sweater put on you. Recently you’ve starting screaming when we change your diaper. We’re to the point where we’re looking in to going diaper free in an effort to get you out of the friggin’ things as soon as possible. You still whinge a bit but mostly only when you eat and if you’re really cranky. Regardless how much you whinge or how load you scream when you’re getting put into your snowsuit (which is for your own good I might add!) it just takes one little smile or a flash of those bright blue eyes to bring you back up to maximum sweetness again!

Love that you wear

Sweater made with love by Oma
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

We had one day of visitation at the funeral home before the funeral. We had decided we wanted to fill the room with photos of mom’s life, flowers and things she had made. Tyler made an amazing photomontage of mom’s life on his computer that would play constantly on the large screen TV. Jose found Tyler and Nick’s baby blankets that mom made and a few weeks before she had given me a whole bag of baby things that mom had knit for her boys. Mom was very pleased that these things were being passed on to us and that Keenan would get to wear them as well. We were sure she’d be pleased to be surrounded by these things at her final send off.

The first morning we were in Ottawa when we went home for Christmas mom gave Keenan his first sweater that she had made especially for him. It’s kind of a light sky blue with blue buttons. I mentioned in a previous post that we woke up to mom playing with Keenan on the dining room table. Shortly after we got out of bed mom told me to go into her room and get the gift box off the shelf in her bookcase. In the box was the sweater, 2 pairs of her famous baby booties whose pattern has been in our family for a few generations at least, a couple of toques and a pair of mittens she bought. While Keenan sat square in the middle of the table we dressed him in his new sweater. It looked great and was just big enough that he would have room to grow and would be able to wear it until the chill left Hokkaido’s spring air. Mom was so pleased with herself and beamed with pride.

I had asked mom to make Keenan this sweater sometime late in the summer of last year. All I requested was that it be blue and a cardigan style as Keenan hates having things pulled over his big square head! Mom picked the color and pattern and started it when it became cool enough to sit with knitting in her lap. I knew from the start that asking mom to do this was a big deal. She hadn’t done much knitting or crocheting in recent years as her patience, eyesight and fingers were all conspiring against her. But like any best mom in the world she would do just about anything her kids, grandkids or great grandkids asked. She called me shortly before we were to leave to tell me the sweater was done. She had also started on a matching pair of pants but she was going to save them until we were there so she could measure his long legs and make sure she made the pants big enough to last as long as the sweater.

The pants are what I found the morning we were collecting things for the visitation. We stopped by mom’s to pick up a few things I had in storage in mom’s basement and some photo’s as well. It was the first time I had been in my mom’s place since she had died. It was so shocking to think that just a week and a half earlier we had woken up in this very house and hastily got ready for our early morning flight back to Japan. I can still see Mom holding and playing with Keenan as we got ready and she was very much alive. This time around we were once again short on time and basically just stormed the place and tried to get in and out as quickly as possible. I picked up moms knitting bag on the way out thinking there would be some things in there we could put up at the funeral home. Keenan’s half finished little blue pants were in there. Everything slowed down at that point. Seeing those pants on the knitting needles hit me with such a sense of finality. I hadn’t been to the funeral home yet, we had sped thru mom’s place and I barely had time to look at anything and I was still in a state of disbelief that mom was gone. Such a small thing made me still and delivered me tears. I thought about my mom and how she was so particular about making sure everything was taken care of or completed. She rarely started anything she knew she couldn’t finish. The pants were just another indicator of how suddenly she had left us.

We took the knitting bag with us to funeral home and set up her handiwork on a chair. She would have been proud to see those things there. Lots of people commented on how lovely they were and I think we all felt a sense of pride for our mother’s work.

It’s safe to say that my mom has knit almost all her life. She could remember knitting or crocheting as far back as her memory could take her. She learned to knit in grade school, before World War II. Like most girls of that time she attended a Catholic school that was run by nuns. At the beginning of grade one they were given a “dolly” as mom would call it, two knitting needles and a crochet hook. The nuns showed the girls how to knit and then they would all sit for a couple of hours each day and knit all the while chanting the directions in Dutch. I know for a fact that my mom remembered that chant up until at least the week before she died as she recited it for me. I’m sorry I didn’t write it down. By the time the girls finished grade 2 they could fully dress their dolly with either knitted or crocheted clothes. Take your pick. Hats, dresses, sweaters, pants, socks, underwear, booties, mittens, blankets, you name it. This has amazed me to no end for years. What an unbelievable skill to have from such a young age. Seems to be a hell of a lot more useful than cutting & pasting. Though considering the time my mother went to school, this would have simply been practical. “Once you know how to dress a dolly you can dress a baby,” she would tell me. Mom didn’t knit too much during her “teenage” years mostly because there was a war going on but also because she loved to sew. Not only could she knit or crochet any garment known to humankind she could also sew them. She made many of our clothes when we were kids. She made skirts for me out of my sister’s jeans way before it was “hip” to do so. Jose and I were talking about mom’s sewing skills when I was back home for the funeral and she revealed to me that she can remember when she got her first pair of store bought jeans, I believe they were bright yellow. Not many 46-year-old women can lay claim to that memory! Once babies came back in to mom’s life so did knitting and crocheting. She made things for her babies in the 50’s and 60’s, Charlie’s boys in the 70’s, Jose’s boys in the 80’s, Keenan in 2006 and any other babies that came along in between that needed something special. Her knitted baby booties are legendary and Keenan has grown out of his first pair already. Thankfully he has two more pairs to grow into. They match his blue sweater and the unfinished pants too.

I personally never really considered myself the knitting type. But for some reason I bought a book about knitting at Chapters when we were home for Christmas. It is filled with all sorts of “modern” patterns as my mom pointed out, but most importantly it has easy instructions for getting started. My mom would try to teach me how to knit when I was a kid and I would always have to get her to cast on or start the first few rows for me as I could never pick it up from her showing me. I'm sure at that point she probably felt cutting and pasting was a huge waste of her daughters time too! I’m a read and learn kind of person (some would label me a “manual reader” and you know who you are!) and this book had awesome casting on instructions and it was cheap so I bought it. I brought the book to mom’s place to show her and I proclaimed with a big grin on my face that I wanted her to show me how to knit. I was really excited and her excitement level was well, waaaaay below mine. She gave me that cool “Why would you buy a book to teach you how to knit and then ask me to show you?” She glanced through the book and basically told to me “just keep trying, you’ll figure it out, you’ll see”. This wasn’t exactly turning into the warm fuzzy mother/daughter event I had hoped it would. Did I keep the receipt? Frig. Then mom looks at me and says “I’ll make sure Jose knows that you’re supposed to get all my knitting needles and crochet hooks, don’t worry you can do it, just keep trying”. Well shit. Now I’m committed. Committed, pleased and deep inside girlishly excited.

Little did I know that within a month my mom would pass away, we would return to Canada for her funeral and then back in Japan again I’d be opening that book in the wee hours of the morning while sitting up with a 9 month old both of us trying to recover from jet lag. Those first few nights home in Obihiro were pretty confusing for Keenan. He’d get up at 2 am and think it was time to play. So I’d get up, bring some toys to him in his crib and I’d sit in the rocking chair watching him play and babble himself to sleepiness. At one point I figured “I may as well get that knitting book out and see if I can’t figure out how to get started”. Sometime between the Canada trips I had bought a ball of light blue baby wool and a pair of size 8 bamboo knitting needles so I had all I needed. That’s how it started for me. Sitting up between 2 and 5 am watching over my babbling babe trying to turn a ball of yarn and a slipknot into something called the “first row” with two bamboo sticks. I may be a manual reader but I couldn’t make the aforementioned ingredients look anything like what was being shown in the pictures. “What the hell is wrong with me?”, I thought. My own mother was knitting a full set of clothing for her dolly by the time she was 7 and here I am a grown woman with my own child and I still can’t loop a friggin piece of yarn around a stick! Good grief! So I have to admit that I looked at the LAST picture in the instructions, what I was supposed to end up with, put the book away and struck out on my own. After many failed attempts and downright shitty looking loopy tension issues I, Nancy, 36 years old, mother of 1 figured out how to cast on! Then I knit the first row and the second one and it looked just like my knitting when I was a kid but it was beautiful to me. I have both my mom and believe or not my dad to thank for this. My dad could figure out how to make anything from looking at the finished product and my mom…well it may be premature to say but I think she may have passed on some of her knitting DNA to me.

So there I sat knitting away, stopping every now and then to pull the lot out and start again. After getting over the initial rush and amusement of having figured the whole thing out I realized that I was actually enjoying myself. I could knit and think at the same time! How novel! It was a wonderful combination of being productive, relaxing, creative and escapist all rolled into the same ball of yarn. I started to think of what I was going to make given my limited talents. Naturally I envisioned cozy, chunky sweaters and toasty full sized blankets. But, I figured a scarf for Keenan would be best (even though he has no neck and I wasn’t sure I could finish it before the birds began sitting on their nests). Then I started thinking about my mom. All the years she sat amongst us quietly watching us and knitting away much like I was doing with Keenan and I was struck by a something I’ve never felt before. The feeling that I am making something long lasting for someone I love. It’s different than cooking. Not only was I going to make a scarf to keep Keenan warm but, it would be a physical and permanent manifestation of my love for him. I thought of how my mom looked so happy when the sweater she made fit so well and looked so good on him. And I remembered back over the years all the jeans, mittens, blankets, hats, sweaters, booties, skirts and even wedding dresses she created. She did it because she loved what she was doing and she loved us. I am so lucky to have all those great baby things that mom made for Jose’s boys. Even though mom only knit a few things for Keenan she indirectly made him all those other things as well. Her love will to continue warm whoever gets to wear her creations.

Now what of the half finished blue pants my mom started? I guess in hindsight I’m sad that I left them behind in Canada. At that point the last thing I could think about was having enough time, energy, emotional fortitude and brain cells to take on the task of completing them. Now I’m pretty sure I could do it but it’s too late. If there’s enough wool left for me to make them to fit him next year then I might consider pulling them out and making them bigger for next fall. If not, maybe I’ll pull them out and knit them into something else. Or maybe I’ll just leave them as they are, on the needles, forever a work in progress so I can pick them up once in a while and imagine my mom sitting there in her chair with a smile on her face peacefully knitting her love into warmth for us stitch by stitch.

Hey, I remember you!

Keenan’s been sleeping through the night, which means I’VE BEEN SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT! It’s happened more than 3 nights in a row so this officially counts as a “trend” and not a fluke. Oh, yippy skippy! I forgot how good it feels to go to bed at 10 pm and not get up until 5:45 am. I’m finally starting to feel like I’m coming out of the fog and as an added bonus I’m even starting to remember things. Is that good or bad? Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Well actually my red glasses have been missing for over 24 hours now. They’re somewhere here in this apartment. I’m sure they’ll turn up sooner or later. So yeah maybe a little more memory would be good ne? For now I’m pleased as punch to be getting a full compliment of zzzz’s.

Happy Valentine's Day

Pothead
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

This morning Sean suggested we celebrate Valentine’s Day by at least thinking about sex. Hmm, not sure I have time for that! Oh blissful parenting!

I love you honey. Thanks for wearing so many hats lately and most of all for keeping me together and being by my side. The hazelnut latte and sleep in this morning were divine. You are the best husband in the whole wide world!

9 months

Cereal box destruction in his wake!
Originally uploaded by kuckibaboo.

You are 9 months old today sweet boy and you are having a great time living life! You are very curious and social and you love getting out and experiencing new places. You are generally very well behaved when we go out to restaurants or visiting and we’ve recently discovered that you are a very good traveler. You love cats and dogs and always reach out for them if they come within reach. You’re at the stage now where “activity” toys are the “it” thing for you and some of you old favorite rattles and small toys are sadly waiting for your sticky little hands to find them again at the bottom of your toy bin. You love books of all kinds and you happily turn the pages in the right direction as we read to you. You are now up to 3 solid food meals a day and eating is a really big deal for you. You have mastered the sippy cup and are the proud owner of a Nalgene Toddler bottle. You make all sorts of noise when you eat mostly ummmmm, ummmm and you are very impatient for the first few minutes and just can’t get it in fast enough. Your favorite foods so far are persimmon, Fuji apples, barley cereal, cheese, any kind of yoghurt, watermelon, blueberries, Shreddies, pears, peas, sweet potatoes, rice crackers and avocado. The other day you ate an entire Fuji apple, ¼ banana and 10 teaspoons of barley cereal for breakfast! You like chicken and turkey but not beef. You finally like eating with your hands but are still not too good at it and there constantly all manner of cereal O’s, squares and bits of cheese in your high chair. All the temper tantrums or “fits” you’ve thrown have been over food. You go to bed between 7 and 8 pm and sleep until 4 or 5 am. You wake up long enough for boobies and a bum change and then you sleep again until 7 or 8 am. We think you’re going thru a growth spurt as you motor through your breakfast and are back to sleep by 10 or 11 for a couple of hours. The last couple of days you’ve woken up for a snack and playtime and then start with the yawning again. You also could need a second nap because you’re a full on crawling baby now. You started seriously logging miles the day we got home from being in Ottawa for Oma’s funeral. Of course you weren’t crawling before we left so the apartment was not in any way baby proofed. So your very travel weary and emotionally bankrupt parents scooted after you as you discovered everything that you shouldn’t. It was a stressful afternoon and we were very pleased when the time change finally caught up with you and knocked you out for a few hours. Ever so thankfully your whinging seems to be decreasing with your increase in mobility. Your grampa said it best when he said “he’s been staring at all this stuff around him for months and now he has the means to get to it”. Baby you can have almost anything you want as long as you don’t whinge! You like to play in your crib by yourself when you wake up and can to so for up to 45 minutes. This playtime consists mostly of you kissing yourself in your baby mirror and babbling to the bears your gramma and Oma gave you. Once out of bed you like to snuggle with us for a while which is ohh so delicious! You don’t mind having your finger and toenails trimmed but it’s bloody hell trying to swab your sticky out little waxy ears. Your blue eyes are definitely here to stay and you’re sporting 8 bright white teeth now, four up and four down. I’m still breastfeeding you about 4 times a day and you’re starting to learn that biting me brings a swift end to that peaceful activity. You still despise having shirts or any type of clothing pulled on over your head and it sounds like we’re torturing you when we’re just trying to get you into your friggin’ snowsuit! What’s with that? You have learned to stand up if we hold your hands and we know that walking is just around the corner. Oh joy. It’s been a while since we’ve had time to weigh or measure you but I’d guess you’re about 19 pounds now. Babbling is your choice form of communication and you do bust out the odd mmmummmm mummm mum and dada daaaa. We’re pretty sure you’re not talking about us though. You used to clap your hands when you were happy but you haven’t done it since we’ve been back. The day your Oma passed away you looked at me from across the living room and waved bye-bye. It broke my heart and I secretly hoped you were sending Oma off in your own little baby way. Every day you bring us greater joy with your quick smile and sweetness. You’re such a smart little guy and we are having the time of our lives watching you discover and explore the world around you. We love you baby our soon to be toddler!

This post was started on Monday, January 21/2006

I’ve been away from this blog for a long while. We went to Tokyo for two days and then on to Canada for a month to be with our families over the holidays. I had intended to post while we were away but it seems time and good Internet connections got away from us on a daily basis.

We’ve been back in Obihiro now for a week. As a matter of fact we got home at nearly exactly this time last week. I’ve been up since 2:45 am, I fed Keenan and he’s now snuggled up with his daddy in our bed. I couldn’t get back to sleep so I’m once again turning to the blog for some wordage therapy.

It’s been a crazy weekend and I’m finding it hard to start so I’m just going to pick a point in time and let things flow as I’ve been told.

Sometime on Friday afternoon my mom had a stroke. She was on her way to the mailroom when she started to feel it. She made her way back home and soon after she was on her way to the hospital in an ambulance. She was conscious for a while and my sister Jose was very fortunate to be able to spend some time with her while she was still able to speak as by the time my brother arrived she was only able to communicate by squeezing her hand. We would soon learn that the stroke she had was a “catastrophic event”. She had developed a pool of blood above her brain stem that was about the size of a fist and because of its location, inoperable. We were also told that her chances of recovery were extremely slim and if she did recover she would be blind and severely mentally and physically challenged. It was decided we would wait 24 hours to see if there was any change. There never was and as a matter of fact the bleeding was getting worse. So slowly the doctors and nurses eased off the life support and our dear mom came took her last breath around 12:30 am on Sunday.

Everything happened so fast but it seems like an eternity since we got the first call from my nephew on Saturday morning (our time). I’m finding it very difficult to keep the timeline together with the 14-hour time difference. We were home just a week ago and now where getting on a plane tomorrow to return. I only know its Monday at 5:50 am because that’s what it says on the computer. I still have to put our clothes in suitcases that I hadn’t even put away in closets yet. I can’t believe we were waving good-bye to my mom from the car on the way to the Ottawa airport and a week later she woke up to her last sunny day.

She called last week. I can’t remember if it was Wednesday or Thursday but we had a great chat. If only I knew it was going to be the last I would have stayed on the phone forever. She could hear Keenan babbling away in the background and I could hear her smiling through her voice. We talked about our trip back to Japan and plans for moving back to Canada this summer. She was so excited that we were coming back and that she was going to get to spend a lot of time with Keenan, her little sweetheart. I was going through Keenan’s summer clothes after that conversation and I imagined Keenan wearing his little t-shirt and shorts and running through my mom’s front door yelling “Oma!” at the top of his lungs with a big smile on his face. It’s something that hasn’t even happened yet but my heart is breaking over the fact that it never will.

I feel truly blessed that we got to spend a month in Canada. Mom and Keenan feel in love with each other the second they met. I’ve never seen Keenan better behaved than with his Oma. She was the first to admit he could do no wrong in her eyes and to back that up it would appear her hearing aid couldn’t detect crying or whinging. My mom died believing Keenan cried only once in the whole month we were home! It was really wonderful to see the two of them interact together. I will absolutely never forget waking up the morning after we arrived. Sean and I were sleeping on the pull out couch in the living room and I opened my eyes to Keenan sitting in the middle of the dining room table with the place mats all over the place and mom looking on with utter adoration! Keenan’s crib was in her bedroom and as it turns out she woke up to find Keenan bright eyed, bushy tailed and quietly playing by his self. My mom had a bad back and not a lot of strength but somehow she managed to bend down, pick up Keenan and get him into the dining room. This would be her favorite place to play with Keenan for the rest of the month as she could keep him at eye level, let him play and have her arms around him all at the same time. Everything about Keenan brought light to my mom’s eyes. Seeing him open his mouth wide like a little bird whenever he ate, watching him kick in the bathtub, sleep in the stroller and of course smile at his Oma. In the last couple of days Keenan figured out how to clap and he would clap, laugh and smile whenever he was happy. This thrilled my mom to no end as she had been singing a Dutch song about clapping your hands to him since we arrived. She herself said that she couldn't have wished for a better Christmas.

The last 8 years have been especially hard on my mom. Uncle Ber, her beloved brother died and 6 weeks later my dad died. Then a couple of years ago Taunte Riet died, as did her best friend Blanche. All this time she’s been asking us and God himself “Why do I have to be the last one?”

I continue from here on Saturday, February 10, 2007…

I just read the first section of this post for the first time since I wrote it. I likely stopped where I did as we had a visitor or had to finish making our travel arrangements or the phone was ringing yet one more time. Everything about those first hours and days after Sean delivered the news to me that my mom had died is a blur and I don’t remember too much of it. We’re back home in Obihiro now and life is just steaming along and dragging me and my heavy heart along with it. It’s going to be a challenge for me to slow things down and feel. But I must. Writing here has been my outlet and seems to work for me. Something about this act of publicly writing for me and others to read is very cathartic. It’s not easy but forces me to be honest with myself; it keeps my mind clear and lightens my heart. Please feel free to egg me on. Here I go...

Tooth # 5, food glorious food and the early stages of crawling

Our child seems to be going for some sort of record-breaking performance in the tooth department! Today I spotted tooth # 5! Nope, not “a tooth about to erupt” but a tooth that has already broken through his gums and has already been put to good use on a wide array of teething devices. Surprisingly, this tooth was preceded only by a rare midnight feeding last night and of course copious amounts of drool.

We’ve got Keenan up to 2 solid food meals a day and he’s really enjoying it. I mentioned a while back that I wasn’t sure if his early teeth would indicate an early need for solids. Well I’m pretty sure the two go together in this case. Especially since he’s barely cutting back on his breast-feeding need/interest. We’ve been taking the recommended route of introducing solids one at a time and 4 to 7 days apart to ensure there’s no allergic reaction and so far so good. I’m making all of Keenan’s baby food and freezing it in small batches with great success. So far Keenan loves his veggies more than fruits and his grains include rice, quinoa and oats. He eats quinoa or oats or a mixture of the two which I grind into flour and then cook to make a gruel (yes Tom, the boy loves his gruel as much as you do!) for a mid morning meal. I mix that with one or two fruits such as banana, apple or persimmon. He eats about a half a cup of that followed by a two boobies and then he literally passes out for a few hours. Then in the evening he has rice with one or two veggies like yaki imo (roasted sweet potato), kabocha (Japanese pumpkin) or avocado (I know it’s really a fruit but he doesn’t like it with breakfast!). In between he snacks on rice crackers, which are a blast because they stick to his face and hands when he drools on them! And yesterday I bought spinach and kabocha bite sized biscuits, which he really loves, and are getting him to understand what chewing is all about. Once he hits the 7-month mark we’ll work on expanding his horizons in the food department. We’re holding back on the juice or water except for a very rare treat and even then we dilute the juice with 50% water. The problem is he likes the taste way too much so he’s not happy to only have a wee bit and when we give him more he pukes it up. Here’s something interesting though…if he has a bit of juice with water and then I breast feed him he still pukes but he only pukes up the water and juice not the breast milk. Freaky.

As if getting new teeth and having a good appetite isn’t good enough Mr. Progress is getting better at “pre-crawling” every day. He’s on his hands and knees for longer periods of time now and he really gets into bouncing in that position. When he really gets into it he laughs like crazy and then falls on his face and then laughs some more. So the very near future holds the task of keeping things up high, doing away with cables and a visit to the baby store for all the safety stuff to keep his curious little hands out of cupboards, drawers, heaters and plugs. Oh joy!

Close encounters of the illegal alien baby kind

This is a “venting” post. The grammar will suck and the tenses might be senseless but I will feel much better by the time you read it.

The last 2 days have been stressful in ways I couldn’t even dream up in my worst nightmares. It started on Sunday evening when I was filling out the forms for travel insurance for Keenan and myself. Sean is covered thru his employer for our trip to Canada in a few weeks but Keenan and I are not. No big problem as it’s fairly easy and inexpensive to get travel insurance here. The one thing that worried me was the extensive list of exceptions on the application so I saved the filling out of these forms for a quiet evening so I could sit down and read the “fine print”. There are many interesting things you come across when reading print translated from Japanese into English. Most are absolutely abhorrent errors in grammar that are so ridiculous I often feel like someone must be videotaping my reaction in secret because no well meaning person would actually write…”insured members will be except from coverage due to any unforeseen calamity”. One sentence in the fine print that went something like “we will not be responsible for arranging travel visa’s for you or your children” fuelled a nasty feeling I’ve had about Keenan’s residency status since he was born.

Let’s go back more than half a year to the point in time when I was still pregnant and getting together the mountain of paperwork we had to fill out for Keenan once he was born. We got his Canadian passport and citizenship applications. Got all the details together for applying for his Japanese Alien registration card. Checked out the procedures for registering his birth at City Hall and Sean’s office was going to take care of signing him up for health insurance. We consulted the Canadian Embassy in Tokyo, the Canadian consular designate in Sapporo, Sean’s office and the City Hall here in Obihiro and all said that was all we needed to do. Shortly after Keenan was born we filled everything out and all seemed hunky dory.

Now we’re back to Monday, the day before yesterday and after reading the “fine print” I asked Sean to confirm with his office whether Keenan needed a visa or not. I was going to call Immigration in Sapporo and triple check with them. Calling the Sapporo Immigration office can be a seriously frustrating exercise as they are supposed to have someone that speaks English on staff but I think their name might be Suzuki Snufalupogus. In other words that person is rumored to exist but nobody who speaks English has ever actually spoken to them. It’s really unsettling speaking to someone with broken English about immigration issues since we live either a 5 or 3 hour drive from the nearest immigration office. You could get all the way out there and realize that you don’t have all the forms or ID you need because the person you were dealing with on the phone gave you the wrong info or didn’t know how to say it in English. So on Monday morning after Keenan went down for a nap I called Sapporo Immigration and prepared my self for a hen pecking conversation of broken English and my even more broken Japanese. To my complete and utter surprise I got Snufalupogus on the phone. Next and in no uncertain terms he informed me that Keenan needed a visa and should have had one 30 days after he was born and now he is an illegal alien and we have broken Japanese immigration laws and by the way, why did you do this? OH MY GOD. I can’t tell you how those words sharpened my defenses to a razor’s edge. Shit! What’s going to happen next? Will we be deported? Will they call the police? Wait. Did I give this guy my name? Say where we lived? I did say Sean was on the JET program and we know the only other JET couple that had a baby on Hokkaido in the last year and they’ve already returned home. It wouldn’t be too hard to find us. Now into problem solving mode…“I’m so sorry we made such a big mistake, can you please help me fix it?” So it turns out we would need to get to the Immigration office sooner rather than later with our passports and alien registration cards (which all 3 of us have), Keenan’s shyusshyoo shomei sho (a copy of Keenan’s birth certificate which is a whole other nightmare I’ll save for another post), Sean’s zaishoku shomei sho (proof of his employment), my Mother’s book and a letter explaining why we didn’t get Keenan a visa within 30 days of his birth. I was told he couldn’t guarantee the situation would be resolved in one visit and that Keenan’s visa application would need to be reviewed by some big wig on up high because we would be applying under “special circumstances”. Good Mxxxxxxxxxing grief. At least two full day trips to Sapporo and there’s already snow in the mountains and it would be 10 to 12 hours of driving a day depending on Keenan’s mood and actually he would be totally and understandably a nightmare if we strapped him into his car seat for that long. “Ok, thank you very much for your help. We’ll see you soon. Bye-bye”. To the sounds of Keenan cooing himself awake I collected my thoughts and devised my plan. Call Sean and compare notes, email Eiko and ask if she can call Sapporo and confirm everything I’ve just been told and check if we can do this in Kushiro (only 3 hours away) then get all the paperwork together. (Typed by Sean while I got up to eat my breakfast…FART FART FARTY FART!! ...Isn’t he so lovely?!) By the end of day Eiko had called Sapporo and confirmed all the stuff we needed and found out that we could get this done in Kushiro. Sean’s classes on Tuesday ended at 11:45 am and Eiko offered to come with us so we decided we’d head to Kushiro in the afternoon.

On Tuesday I got up early, had a shower, drove Sean to work, did the banking downtown, bought Keenan a new Shinada because I couldn’t resist it and I needed a bit of retail therapy and then we headed to City Hall to get a copy of Keenan’s birth certificate. I was a little fed up with the whole “lack of any clear system” to get our child properly registered in this country so I took an “I don’t speak or understand any Japanese” position. I don’t really speak or understand much anyways but I was feeling extra stubborn and wanted these folks to work for their supper as they were part of the reason we were scrambling to get this stuff done. Did I mention I felt like I was getting my period for the first time in 13 months?! So I finally got 2 copies of Keenan’s birth certificate (1 for immigration and 1 just in case we need it when we’re traveling-I had to lie to get the friggin’ second copy), drove home to Eiko waiting, packed up our stuff, picked up Sean and then the 4 of us were off to Kushiro. Five minutes into the drive Keenan starts screaming because we’ve had such a whirlwind morning I hadn’t had a chance to feed him for a few hours. So 10 minutes later we pull into the Dai Ichi in Satsunai. I nurse Keenan in the parking lot while Sean and Eiko get some bento, beverages and eats for the drive. Twenty-five minutes later were on the road again. We arrive at the Kushiro Immigration office around 3 pm and Eiko explains our story to the lone Immigration Officer. He knew our details before we walked in the door as the Sapporo office called him the day before. So it turns out this fellow is the #1 boss and the other lowly guys were away taking care of some other sort of immigration business. He was a really lovely man with kind eyes, a grey beard and a “I have 6 grandkids and I’m 5 years away from retiring” kind of way. I finished filling out the paperwork by 3:15 and our applications were faxed to some unknown locale for approval by some other high up folks (remember we made ourselves a “special circumstances” case by not getting Keenan’s visa within 30 days). Within minutes we’re told Keenan has been granted a visa and that it’s over in the time it takes to read this sentence.

And now? Now I really can’t wait to get our 3 butts on that plane to Canada.

If you are having a child in Japan here’s some important immigration tips…

-Deal directly with the immigration office for your region to make sure you have all the applications you need before your child is born
-If you have a bad feeling about something follow your intuition and if you get the run-a-round here call or email the passport/citizenship department in your home country
-Be aware that the deadlines to apply for a gaijin card, passport, citizenship and visa make absolutely no sense (e.g.: the visa application must be made within 30 days of birth but you can’t apply for a visa without a passport and it took us 60 days to get Keenan’s Canadian passport)
-Every child born in Japan to non-Japanese parents needs a visa and a re-entry permit if you plan on leaving and returning to Japan
-Always read the fine print

First ocean visit 2m tsunami warning tooth #3 tooth #4 5cm of snow 6 gazillion tons of concrete 8.1 quake a Whooper Swan wedgie & a call from the BBC

The above are the highlights of our life from the last 3 days. I like singing it to the 12 days of Christmas tune.

It started on Tuesday. I was breastfeeding Keenan and well, he bit me. He’s bitten me before but he’s only had teeth on the bottom so it felt totally different. Teeth on the bottom AND top work together to produce a whole new type of sensation! So, I stuck my finger in his mouth and lo and behold his top right, front tooth had pushed through his gums overnight. That explains the excessive drool and disruption in his rock solid sleep patterns.

Then yesterday I drove Sean to his high school in Taiki. It’s about an hour drive away and he only had one class so I figured I’d take Keenan down to the river to see the spawning salmon and then we’d pick up Sean and take Keenan for his first visit to the ocean. Keenan whinged or screamed for the whole time we were at the river. When I held him he wanted to be in his stroller, when he was in his stroller he wanted to be held. So I gave up and I took him back to the car to nurse him. Then we picked up Sean and some lunch and headed out to the ocean. Hokkaido has some of the most rugged yet breathtakingly beautiful coastline I’ve ever seen. The area we went to had steep, high cliffs that ran out to a short beach. A serious effort has been made to restore the ocean side forest that once existed along this stretch but when you look down the cliff face your view is obscured by what seem to be giant sized concrete jacks stacked in triangular columns, which run parallel to the cliff as far as the eye can see. Two rows of them ensure the huge waves break far enough away from the cliff to minimize erosion. First of all it’s an awful eyesore and secondly nobody lives out there. I can’t imagine that the ocean is eating away at the island at such an alarming rate that they must invest millions and millions of yen to pepper the entire coast. So Keenan’s first look at the ocean was not so pretty and actually he wasn’t really awake for much of it seeing how he was nursing or napping the whole time. While I was nursing him and Sean was out taking photos I was sitting there with my eyes closed while I listened to the waves crash into the beach. I could swear that somewhere off in the distance I could hear Canada geese (the sound of Canada geese carrying on as they fly in formation is on my top 10 things I miss about Canada). I just assumed I was getting pretrip nostalgia for all things “home” and then I opened my eyes and saw a very distinct “V” flying towards me. What the frick? As they got closer I realized they were Whooper Swans. Whooper Swans have marked the end of fall and the beginning of winter each year we’ve been here. Seeing those beautiful creatures fly up the coast and over me filled me with sadness about our stay here coming to a close. Shortly after that Sean reappeared and we headed for home. I spent the evening tidying up the apartment and surfing the net. The phone rang around 9 and it was Pat. Very odd for us to get a call from Canada in the evening so I knew something was up. It turns out there had just been an 8.1 earthquake just off the Kuril islands north east of us and there apparently was a 2 meter tsunami warning issued. Hmm, very interest. This was all over CNN, CBC and CTV back home but not much about it had hit the airwaves here. Maybe that’s why the beaches are stacked with miles of concrete! I sent out the standard “we’re ok” email I send out to family and friends after every earthquake that makes it to international news and called my mom. We checked to make sure none of our friends were living along the NE coast and then we checked the BBC an hour or two later to see if anything came of the tsunami. There was this thing at the bottom of the update that said something like…Do you live on Hokkaido? Did you feel the quake? We didn’t feel a thing but we live on Hokkaido so I figured I met half the criteria to warrant my comments! So, I filled out the online form and in about 2 minutes I received a reply back asking me if it was ok if the BBC called me to talk about our “experience”. How novel! Sure I’ll answer your questions! We live in the middle of the island, 5 hours away from the affected coast and are in no danger what so ever but I’d love to chat with someone from the BBC! Sure enough the nice lady called, we chatted and that was about it. Then we watched the Soprano’s, ate some Doritos’s and went to bed.

Then this morning we wake up to our first snow to fall on the city this winter. Remember what I said about the swans? I’m pretty sure they brought the winter with them from Siberia. Keeping with the white theme this morning also saw the arrival of tooth #4. This time it was the left one on the top and in front. We’re well on our way to having a little beaver baby! How Canadian and just in time for Christmas!

Dear ( Iamjustcheckingtoseeifurereadingthis...),

We can celebrate good times a lot sooner than you think my friend as we're COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! That's right! We land in Ottawa on Dec 14 and we leave on Jan 13. We'll be in the Soo for a good chunk of time in the middle but we definately intend on making at least a day trip to Montreal.

By the way, not only do I read your blog on a regular basis but I also know how to spell (Iamjustcheckingtoseeifurreadingthis)!

Love you and we'll be seeing the 3 of you soon!

PS-Put that paddle in the water a few times for me before the lakes freeze up. Can't wait to learn the ropes of family kayaking with you guys.